The Bedside Crow

Bookaholism redux.

Holy shit! The progress is progressing!

David Cooke, Tesco category manager and retailer joint chair, said: "We will definitely be progressing the Bookaholics idea with Damian Horner. This is extremely exciting and has already progressed beyond the concept presented at the Cambridge Conference."

My advice, just stack 'em next to the Gallo and the Tennants.

Anyway, while I was at home selling words to minors, Justine took the kids on holiday.

I am queuing in the bank

In Bromley, because, once again, our branch in Crystal Palace is closed with a handwritten sign on the door complaining of 'unforeseen circumstances'. There is only one counter open and the queue has been stationary for several minutes.

It's always the same, says a well spoken lady behind me. It's the same in Marks and Spencer's, as soon as there's a downturn they get rid of the staff who do the work.

A young man grumbles in agreement.

Have you voted? the lady asks him.

Nah, waste of time, he says.

Oh no! You should vote, it's your right. People have died for you to have the right to vote, she tells him.

I suppose you're right, he says. Who did you vote for? if you don't mind me asking.

I don't mind at all, I voted Conservative, she tells him. Oh I know David Cameron went to a posh school, but really, do we want an ignoramus running the country, I don't think so and you see, she continues, my father, who was a working man all his life always used to say to me, Never forget, the Labour Party are no good with money.

The young man nods in agreement and sucks his teeth.

So there you have it; this shit that we find ourselves in, these circumstances that were unforeseen, it's all the fault of the *socialist* bankers. It must be.

Meanwhile we are still in a queue and I can feel my beard growing.

Personally, I think that the one copy of Revolutionary Road is quite sufficient for any household.

 

Unless, of course, you wanted to give the half-price one as a housewarming present to that nice young couple who have just moved in next door.

 

How do you like this little beauty, then?

 

I'm so excited I'm hyperventilating.

Jon, get a grip, it's just a till.

Pah! It's not just any till it's a CASIO ELECTRONIC CASH REGISTER SE-S2000!

The old till finally curled up it's toes on Justine this afternoon, it took one VAT transaction too many and then made a pathetic mewling sound and died. It was probably about 43 years old when I bought it from a man named Arkwright, so it wasn't entirely unexpected.

Meanwhile, I was in Bromley attempting to buy a coat for a little girl, except that you can't buy a winter coat for a little girl in the middle of winter, oh no, but you can buy her a bikini FFS.

Anyway, back to the SE-S2000 - just look at all of those unassigned departments! What fun!

And I like that it has a help button. If I need help I'm going to use it.

Like the man said: So it goes.

  

Used without permission, sorry. Click to make bigger etc.

Sorry

was thinking about WH Smith's selling a £6.99 book for .99p when £1.62 of the self-same book is being donated to charity, and briefly lost the will to live.

Day two without a till.

 

Still at the menders. Never mind, it hasn't really been required.

Promises promises...

- I'm gonna have to come back next week and spend about thirty quid, but I can't let the missus know that, or there will be trouble.

He leaves quickly.

[Don't worry my friend, I'm very good at keeping a secret. In fact; if you like, I could print up some receipts with Jon's Charity Shop across the top of them and I could just write one out for a couple of quid. No?]

I receive a postcard from the Frankfurt Bookfair.

Ahh a veritable Luftwaffe of chickens coming home to roost in 'Mitteleurope' over past few days. Mephitic pall of apocalyptic economic doom & gloom overshadowing the 'Fair'. Anglo/American hall really deserted & by Saturday tumbleweed blowing down the deserted aisles. Boomtime / clowntime is over at last. The long awaited Cull is upon us & about fcking time too. Stand by for a Bull market in Schadenfreude hahahaha!

I put a customer's credit card into the PDQ machine

He punches in his four digit number.

There is a long pause while the machine thinks.

We both wait and wonder; does the bank have any money?