The Bedside Crow

Today's special word is,

Today's special word is, to mark the occasion of Crystal Palace V Middlesborough at Selhurst Park this afternoon, and in honour of , so I am told, one of the nicest men to ever put on an Eagles top, SOUTHGATE. Say the word at the counter today and tomorrow and get a 10% discount on any purchase excepting Book Tokens and some special orders. If the Eagles manage to win by 2 clear goals, I'll even make it 20%.

Thank you for reading.

Nice sale!

Part of our special 3 for 3 promotion.
 

My customer sways in front of the counter like a drunk leaving the pub at midnight.

Question, he says, you used to have all your cards along the left-hand wall, didn't you?

No, I say. Never. Never had our cards along the left-hand wall.

Pah! he says.

I look at my watch. Although it is only just past mid-day, he is drunk. Very drunk. I have some sympathy with this - for a large part of the 1980s I worked in publishing.

I've got the wrong shop haven't I? He sways, before hanging on to my display stand and a copy of Diary of a Wimpy Kid Dog Days.

Yes, I say. You have.

He blinks at me.

You want the shop three doors along, that's the place with all of its card along the wall, I say, (mentally adding, and the display of Charlie and Lola paperbacks) wondering briefly what kind of havoc he could cause in a shop that sells girly dresses and incense and which describes itself as 'on budget and on trend'. Plenty,I would have thought.

You're more of a...he says.

Bookshop, I say.

Books, he says, looking at the book in his hand, and sighs. I read a book in nineteen-seventy-three, he tells me... It disturbed me... and I haven't read one since... Not one.

We are sent a pumpkin in the post.

I love my customers, especially when they want to play. One of my favourites has just sent me this with the following message.

I carved a pumpkin with a picture of a crow on a telegraph pole for Halloween and thought you might find it vaguely amusing!

It is, I am sure you will agree, a work of bloody genius.

Happy Halloween.

 

Italian market.

Public service announcement: There is a fantastic Italian food market across the road from the shop today and tomorrow. Really worth paying a visit.

 
 

Conversation with a French lady.

My uncle died today.

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, I say.

So, your holiday is a long way in the past now?

Yes, I say.

And now you need another one?

One day, I say.

When the Christmas madness is over. Get the Christmas madness out of the way first and then have a good holiday.

I think I will, I say.

I think you should, she says, otherwise you will end up like my uncle.

A book order arrives via email.

Dear Sir/Ma, I am happy to reach you through this medium which i know it'll be received in a good mood.......I'll like to place an order for book, So kindly get the prices with availability for the listed titles needed below :- Franklin Electronic Bible with Holman Bible Dictionary KJV/NIV (BIB-475) ISBN: 1590744314 Encyclopaedia Of Forms and Precedent Complete Set From Starting Date till 2009 ISBN: 9780406044242 Benjamin's Sale Of Goods 7th Edition ISBN: 042188830X All England Law Reports Complete Set 1936-2009 Format: Law Report (221 Volumes) ISBN /ISSN: 9780406996435 Robbins & Cotran Pathologic Basis of Disease, 7th Edition By: Vinay Kumar & Abul K. Abbas (Author) Format: Hardcover ISBN:- 0721601871 Robbins & Cotran Pathologic Basis of Disease, 8th Edition By: Vinay Kumar & Abul K. Abbas (Author) Format: Hardcover ISBN: 9781416031215 Lehninger Principles of Biochemistry 5th Edition By: David L. Nelson (Author) Format: Hardcover ISBN:- 071677108X Black's Law Dictionary Deluxe Ninth Edition By: Bryan A. Garner (Author) Format: Hardcover ISBN: 0314199500 Nevertheless, A response from you will be expected with the prices and availability for the titles needed and have a great day in business. Awaiting your soonest reply. BOG OFF. Love, The Bookseller Crow.

and I am visited by a real live dragon...

Book Tokens, do you give change?

I want thirty pounds worth in Fives. That will be SIX five pound ones. In a card. With an envelope.

Have you put SIX in the card?

I have, I say.

Good, the lady says.

The credit card machine reads: Please wait.

The lady glares at it.

Still packing, still moving. We sold our house so that we could sell more books.

 

No kidding. So leave the knives at home, eh. And Justine's dropped with box fatigue. 

My question is this:

How long before the UK's highstreet booksellers, in their ever more futile quest for *market share*, start employing Christmas staff to stand by their open doorways chucking a free Clarkson, or Peter Kay or Dan Brown at their *passing trade*?

Not long now, I wouldn't wonder.