The Bedside Crow

Big type, small margins.

When I first saw a copy of Jo Brand's autobiography Look Back In Hunger(£20.00 or £9.99 in Sainsbury's) in Waterstone's, I honestly thought I had picked up the large print edition.

[Cartoon from the recent (Oct 19th) Fall Books Special edition of The New Yorker.]

Is that just a normal book, dad?

Bloody hell, I grumble, sixteen quid ninetynine -to which Fred (9), who is helping me this morning, asks the above question.

It is a good question.

Still packing, still moving. We sold our house so that we could sell more books.

 

No kidding. So leave the knives at home, eh. And Justine's dropped with box fatigue. 

My question is this:

How long before the UK's highstreet booksellers, in their ever more futile quest for *market share*, start employing Christmas staff to stand by their open doorways chucking a free Clarkson, or Peter Kay or Dan Brown at their *passing trade*?

Not long now, I wouldn't wonder.

I've got Juliet Naked and I'm out of sorts.

For the third Saturday in a row,in spite of the triangle being busy with people, our takings are well down on last year. And also, for the the third Saturday in a row, a customer has rested an Amaz*n box on the counter while they purchase a greetings card and sign the petition in favour of a local cinema.

Also, I have been carrying round in my head this little quote from a mildly complacent article in The Observer Music Monthly by Nick Hornby on the demise of his local record store and the joy of MP3 blogs.

You'll know what happened to the shop, because it happened to everyone else's shop, too. Illegal downloading wouldn't have been a factor here - the punters were to old and, for the most part, too well-heeled for all that. But Amazon started selling CDs for less than my friends could buy them for, and eventually even north London's late adopters worked out that one-clicking didn't take much effort.

To say nothing of chucking a cheap book or cd in with your shopping, along with a bottle of Shiraz and a pork chop, eh, Nick?

We probably sold about fifty copies of About a Boy in hardback, and twenty-five or so of How to be Good. We've sold one copy of Juliet Naked.

A senior executive at Penguin, said, (shitting himself),

"William's book was originally down for release in early September, and Nick's book was initially due for publication at the end of September, but if you're fighting for the dearth of space on supermarket shelves and on best-seller lists when Brown is out, you've clearly got no chance of getting a book to number one, so we decided to go early. It has very much been a case of dominoes falling around Dan Brown."

If you didn't know, there is a new book by Dan Brown, The Lost Symbol *hitting the shelves* (some people might want to put a S in front of that phrase, too) on 15th  Sept.

The William is Trevor. The Nick is Hornby.

I don't think I've ever visited the part of the universe where William Trevor and Dan Brown go mano-a-mano over a dearth before, but as the Independent reports, there will be two weeks to save Britain's booktrade.

How exciting!

Wake me up when it's over.

The first time I met Wonder Boy, he pissed on me.

Opening line of the week, I would have thought.

The new Marina Lewycka. Sixteen quid, postage free.

Never done that before. I feel dirty now.

Do you have a copy of Miller's Antique price guide in stock?

The Antiques price guide? I repeat.

Yes, for 2009, the lady replies.

No, sorry, I say, I don't keep it in stock, but I could certainly get you one for tomorrow.

You don't keep it in stock?

No, but like I say, I could get you one for tomorrow.

How much is it, please?

Thirty pounds, I say.

Thirty, the lady says, adding, I've seen it for twenty.

Which is precisely why I don't keep it in stock, I say. That and the fact that it's the most stolen book in the whole of the printed world.

I see, says my customer. A thought bubble hovers above her head. It contains a word. That word is, *loser*.

But we don't care, do we children.

Personally, I think that the one copy of Revolutionary Road is quite sufficient for any household.

 

Unless, of course, you wanted to give the half-price one as a housewarming present to that nice young couple who have just moved in next door.

 

That's the spirit!

Customer hands me a copy of The Phoenix Suburb.

And I'll take one of those, I might as well blow all of my Jobseeker's in one day.